Dartmouth OEstrus Vol.1 No.3

THE

DARTMOUTH OESTRUS

“GAUDET TENTAMINE OESTRUS,” – Richards.

Vol. 1.                DARTMOUTH COLLEGE, July, 1855.                   No. 3.

THE DARTMOUTH OESTRUS

Is published annually by the College Literary Association (Prof. Peanuts, Prim.) and contains the latest Foreign and Domestic News, Literary and Religious Items &c  The most distinguished American Essayists are regular contributors.

Hon. WENDELL PHILLIPS[1] (A. S. S.) and Rev. N. LORD (O. F.) are members of the editorial corps.  “Fat Boy” is not longer our agent, as he had been detected embezzling our funds.  R. D. MUSSEY, JR., 46 Sudbury Street, Boston, and J LEVERETT THOMPSON,[2] Ex-Member of Williams College, are regular authorized Agents.

Advertisements inserted on the most reasonable terms.

TERMS – INVARIABILITY IN ADVANCE

One copy to one address,    _    _    _    $0.05

Two copies    “    “              _    _    _      0.25

Three    “    “   “                  _    _    _      0.75

Clergymen supplied at the last mentioned rates[3]

Þ Communications should be addressed to the “ Dartmouth OEstrus” Dart. Coll., Hanover, N. H.

The Dartmouth Weathercock.

“ Oh heaven ! were man but constant he were perfect, – that one error fills him with faults, and makes him run through all sins.”

The above very appropriate lines of Shakespeare were suggested to us a day or two since, upon hearing from our friend and brother, Mr. Greenough, an account of a soliloquy which he states he chanced to eer from a freshman some four weeks since.  He states that the aforementioned freshman, namely, W. L. Thompson,[4] had for months been laboring under the natural workings of an hereditary malady, called by some an aberration of the rays of common sense.  It is supposed to be an aberration of the rays from the act that not one has been known to strike within ten feet of his head for years.  Our informant, however, states that in personal appearance he is perfectly charming, measuring in his socking-feet, by way of road, some six feet, but cross-lots only from four and a half to five.  This latter condition is supposed to have resulted from a habit lately acquired, of bunting the ridge-pole, causing a curvature of the spine.  It is said that he has hardly been himself since he met with the loss of some five dollars staked on a wager.  He bet with an old conservative fogy, of Medford, that he could change his mind so as to entertain exactly five hundred different and conscientious opinions upon any one subject in the space of a minute.  He performed eight hundred mental evolutions in the stated time, and consequently, according to the stipulated conditions, he was “elected.”  But to return. Mr. Greenough states that on the night of the 3d of June, between the hours twelve and one, he was roused from his slumber, not by the “din of horns” but by the sad and plaintive tone of a voice, as if from the abodes of death, warning the living to be constant and true, and to shun the triple-headed rock upon which it had broken.  Upon listening he soon distinguished the familiar voice of T—n, but with difficulty could he catch any connected meaning ; he however gives us a few broken fragments.  The scene lies in Maj. Tenny’s garret, No. 10, North End – Cochran absent,[5] Thompson solus recubans in lecto.[6] “Oh, Weathercock that I am, thrice have I turned as in an hour.  Whither, oh whither shall I gaze ere another setting sun?  Would that all the winds of heaven might forever from northern regions blow, that I with them, frigid and fixed, might gaze eternally upon barren wastes, shunned and hated of men.  Thrice have I pledged mine sacred honor, and as often have I broken it ; oh !  that fatal remorse from off that board A(i)kin to those of state – it were too much for me.  I tasted and I fell.  This night my mind is fixed, but where shall I be in the morning?  Oh! victim of misplaced confidence.  Flow forth afresh, my tears!  Would that mine head were a fountain of sap, that – I cannot bear – oh!  Kappas, Alphas, Zetas, Psis!  Oh!  H–, where is my jack-knife?”  It is perhaps unnecessary to state that at this crisis he springs from his couch, and in default of a jack-knife, seizes the tongs and jabs himself twice under the left flank, near – essentially damaging the foundation stones upon which had rested the transient hope of a voluminous posterity.  Wounded and desperate, still bent upon self-destruction, he seizes the “vessel of dishonor,” laden with its fragrant treasure, and by “thick repeated blows” upon his carnial dome, he scatters his few brains and falls a victim to his cockish propensities.  His last words, as they echoed from the earthen concave, fell upon the ear of the listener, as an abortive attempt to quote from the departed greatness, for he exclaimed, “I ain’t dead yet”[7] – and too truly was it spoken, for his spirit “still lives,” embalmed with a stinking memory.

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Destruction of the Junior Platform—

After-Scenes.

WHERE HE FOUND HIM.

“ Eh ! – we know you – come down – we shall wait for you if we wait a moment

____

HOW HE BROKE IN.

“ Eh ! It is strong – I will try again.”

_________

HOW HE CORNERED ONE OF’ EM.

“ Eh ! Boots, S—s, boots !”

______________________

THE FINAL CATASTROPHE

“ Eh ! Your connection with the College must cease.”

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Death of James Corvus

“ Death loves a Shining mark.”

A deep affliction has fallen upon the North Building.  The shouts of revelry are hushed, and the stillness of death pervades the halls.

“ The tearful wail of stricken ones is heard where erst the song and reckless shout resounded ;” and the mourners go about the streets.  A voice of deep lamentation is heard – students weeping for poor Corvus, and will not be comforted, for he is not.  He has gone to that undiscovered country from whose bourne no fowl returns.  As the learned Dr. Richards had eloquently said, “All flesh is grass, in a two-fold sense ; a physical and a spiritual: physically, because the ox eats the grass, and man eats the ox ; ergo, all flesh is grass.”

Some base slanders have attempted to bring reproach upon the fair tame of Corvus, by circulating flase reports about him.  It is reported that he sometimes indulged rather freely in strong drinks ; but this the South Building must answer for ; it was there he was first led astray.

He had been charged with having had clandestine intercourse with the Nuns ; but before we condemn him, let us remember the injunction “ Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Again, he has been accused of carrying a horse into the third story of the North Building.  The circumstances are as follows, as we learned them from the Rev. Dr. Richards.

“ One morning as the students emerged from their dens for prayers, after the bell had ceased to toll, as usual, the emaciated visage of  a milk white steed met their half-opened eyes. At once suspicion fell upon poor ‘Jim’ that he had perpetrated the deed.”

We cannot say that he was entirely innocent, but if guilty, he must have been laboring under some kind of mental hallucination which led him to mistake the lean nag for a defunct carcass ; for a crow with so kind a heart could not do a base deed.  With all his faults, he had many virtues, and so let him rest.

The evil that men do lives after them.

The good is oft interred with their bones ;[8]

So let it be with Corvus.  Some noble students

Hath told you he was nosy.

If it were so, it were a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Corvus answered it.

We’ll raise a brick above his head,

With this inscription of the dead :

Corvus!  we no more thy form may see,

Vale!  Requiescat in pace!

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Toasts received with much applause at a general Supper of the citizens of Hanover and the students of Dartmouth College.

THE FACULTY:

Puffs, swells and egotists ; too  self-conceited to improve, and too refined to associate with the “labourer” and the “ poor-student ;” may they yet find that we have no more need of them than they need now think they have us.

THE FACULTY’S WIVES.

Gas-bags of vanity ; the soulless daughters of a pseudo-aristocracy ; too shallow to appreciate worth, and too proud to recognize their equals ; may th r stupidity be only equalled by the quickness with which they will be forgotten.

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Never a more glorious moonlight glided the granite hills, than on a lovely night in June; and “as music arose from its voluptuous swell,” a voice issed from the North Building, saying “Woodwards, stop that howling!”

A few words to the Trustees.[9]

Go it, Prex. Lord!  That is just the business to suit you.  Glorious institution, born of God!  “ Eh! it is evident he is a Hamite, for I can plainly see his wool, and if I can catch him and preach one of my knock-down sermons to him, I will convince him that he is doing himself—a—great—harm.  St.-Boy!  catch him, blood-hound, and we will give God all the glory!  The Union will be saved once more, and I (Nathan) shall once more show my long ears!”

But to speak seriously of the very correct conception our artist has embodied, in the above drawing—as guardians of the welfare of the College, we can but call the attention of the Trustees to the deleterious influence Prex. Lord is now exerting upon the College.  For a long time we have watched him closely, and so long as his eulogies on slavery were confined to the College walls, we cared not a snap ; for the antiquated old lectures were read to each succeeding class, only to occasion laughter and be sneered at for a week, till something a little more ridiculous was brought forward by him.  But of late it has got abroad what an old fogy he is and honest fathers who think, in their simplicity, that the Faculty look after the morals of the “young gentlemen” here, are beginning to hesitate about sending their hopeful scions where their precarious intellects will be blasted and contaminated by such damnable doctrines as the Rev. Prex. seems bound to promulgate on the slavery question.

And we would now earnestly and solemnly call their attention to the propriety of a change of the Presidents.  Twenty-five years is long enough for any man to fill this post, even supposing him to be sound in the doctrinal points required to be taught ; but when such a man as the present incumbent fills the chair, it is high time the Trustees had their eyes peeled.  His ideas are about 2000 years old, and in this age of steam, he can’t begin to keep up to the mark.

If you say that he is old, and needs the office, we will guarantee a situation for him as overseer of a cotton plantation, within a week of the time it is known that he can leave.  And besides the work would so well suit him.  He could preach to the darkies Sunday, and stuff into two-thirds of them that they are just the chicks for slaves, made by God for this especial purpose, and the other third he could flog it into during the week.  He might also get some one to take his boy Frank, (for we doubt whether any one would give a copper for him) and exalt him to the enviable position of a chattel slave.  He seems to be slipping through college without studying, without reciting, and without examination, which, if he were not the Prex.’s son, we should have the presumption to say is not just right.  We cannot stop longer to urge the removal of said Prex., but we have spoken our mind candidly, and we believe the minds of four fifths of the College.  Do give us a man, so that when away during vacation, with our friends, we need not feel ashamed of the President of Old Dartmouth.

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HANOVER, N. H., JULY 1st, 1855.

Dear Faith, the biggest half of Oliver:– I wish to drop you a line of inquiry as well as of advice.  My theme is a quotation from the rich guttural of Richards—“ Torquere occulos ad sophmoros galeros?”[10]—why is it that you spend at least half of your time every Sabbath gazing at sundry Sophomores?  Is it fear that the Sophs will look at the nuns if you do not at them?  What charms does Marshall, or Goddard, or Morrill, or Gile unfold,[11] to fix intensity your grey, full-peeled revolving sky-lights?  Better look at the minister and shun the jealousy of Oliver.  The truth is, the Sophs had rather you would turn your ovine-physiognomy toward the western gallery, than not, for it furnishes a contrast which is glorious.  But inasmuch as I have often heard your boldness, and impudence remarked upon by friends at home and abroad, I would advise you to confine your vigilance and watchfulness to the nunnery and its appurtenances, leaving the College affairs and College Students to the generous and philanthropic management of Oliver and the boys associated with him.  It is foolish for you to think of looking a class of seventy men out of countenance ;  besides, you are setting a bad example before the nuns, and are putting things into their minds that they never thought before.  If you wish to interfere with sophomoric vision, just transplant about a cart-load of your opaque physical corporosity in between the nuns and the pulpit ; for Faith like yours can hide a multitude of nuns.

Yours by the ton,

GROVER’s real DAD

THE DARTMOUTH OESTRUS

Dartmouth College, July, 1855.

“  Felctere si nequo superos Acheronta novero.”[12]

By hook or crook we’ll lay all level,

The gods averse, we’ll raise the devil.

Somebody has somewhere said, that some things can be done as well as others.  And why not?  The American Eagle continues to soar ; Opinion is free ; and the Press, that great engine of human thought, is yet unchecked, and knows no sleeping.  Did we say the American Eagle soared, but not alone.  He is accompanied in his flight by a younger brother, a bird of strong wing and piercing sting, whose province it is to watch over the destinies of men, and once a year report progress.  Reader, if you would see the bird, “ Look aloft! look aloft!”

The object, then, of this journal is apparent—to observe without remorse, and criticize without partiality, whatever “turns up” in College Life.  If any sentiments herein expressed are too radical to please the powers that be, whose interest it is that things should remain as they are,—in short, if there are any individuals in the whole range of our influence who oppose our views, to all such we have but one suggestion to make; that they will lay down this journal and read no further, for their time is not yet come.  Men, we are told, cannot become enlightened in a moment, it requires time.  And if there are any faculty  Dogs “ that aint dead yet,” they will please drop their tails, whine their last whine, and lie down in pleasant dreams.  For it contrary to good advice, these dogs shall continue to whine, we intend, at the first opportunity, to give them the devil and rub it in with a brick-bat.

To the friends of this paper (supposed to be the most refined class in the community, including the Faculty) we also have a caution to make.  The caution has reference entirely to the habits of the OEstrus, rather a queer bird, by the way.  Now if the bird should accidently buzz around and strike any of the friends over the beak, we hope they will smooth the matter over and keep dark, for “it’s only a way it has.”

On the topics now agitating the public mind, we shall express ourselves freely and at some length.  Our Platform shall consist of several broad planks, which shall be painted “all over characters of living light,” with patriotic sentiments like the following:

That Dartmouth students should rule Dartmouth;

That Freshmen should be allowed to wear the white Beaver, a la stove-pipe

That Horns should not be “ taken in” or blown;

That the Bloomer Dress should be put down; against this costume we intend to make a bold and decided stand.  We say there is a medium in all things, and that there is a point above which Ladies’ dresses should not come.  This is the rule, but remember, “exceptio probat regulam.”[13]

These and other principles we shall support, not only in our journal, but also from the stump and pulpit.  One of the members, a promising old man, will be sent around during the next vacation to agitate these reforms, stump the State, and beg money for the College.  And as we are in the right, the Lord protects us.

Sophomore Supper of ’54.

“ You have displaced the mirth, broke the good meeting

With most admired disorder.”

MACBETH, ACT III, SCENE IV.

The class of ’56, at the close of their Sophomore year, according to a “ beautiful and approved custom of the schools of learning,” had a Supper.  It have been enjoyed with a great deal of satisfaction, had not the mighty head of this institution, clothed with all the authority of his position, and all the impudence of a jackass, entered, and by those memorable words, “ CEASE, STUDENTS,” choked off as fine a lot of fellows as ever graced a festive board or swallowed a “ Sophomore Supper.’  And why did he do this?  Were they drunken rioters?  Were they drunken over their cups?  Was the night made hideous with Bacchanal howls and boisterous revelry?  No, not this ; for there was none of the ardent about, and if the President, ever offered this as an excuse for his conduct, he has conveyed two impressions, inasmuch as he commanded the students for their order and sobriety, both individually and collectively.  No ; it was not this, and he will not say it considering his own assertions and the evidence to the contrary contained in the numerous letters now in the hands of the Guardians and Fathers of these victimized students.

Well, was it because he considered the Festival had, in itself conducted properly or improperly?  No, for in the first place he has always tolerated if not approved of festivals of the same kind ; and secondly, unless absolutely malicious with obvious intent to allow the students to spend their money and time and then be disappointed, he would have crushed the affair in the beginning, and saved trouble.  He could have done this.  He had time to do it ; for  it was well known about the College and vicinity that the Supper was to be served up. And that the Sophomore Class were to meet and have a sociable time long before the evening appointed arrived.

Again :  was it through the suggestion or entreaties of certain persons at the Hotel, that he left the side of Betsy, and came, cane in hand, and with disheveled wig, into the present of the Sophomores?  We think not, although it has been so reported; but admit it, and we deny again that there was any noise or disturbance incongruous with the time or occasion ; in fact, we have the testimony of the guests themselves with respect to the truth of this assertion, and it is yea and amen.  But supposing that there was confusion, was it not properly the business of the landlord to see that his house was quiet?  and if he had thought it necessary would he not have requested the students to refrain?  He did not request them, and for the simple reason that he himself avowed, THERE WAS NO NECESSITY FOR IT. Indeed we cannot believe, (though we would indulge in the largest charity) nor can any one who understands fully the circumstances, be made to believe that the Prex had any sufficient reason for intriguing upon the festivities of the occasion under consideration.  He evidently came in under a wrong impression, and this was, we believe, (as conveyed by one ‘Snob,’ whose elongated, blunted, and crooked proboscis fairly entitles him to this appellation) that there were but a few of the class present, and they were having a drunken scrape.  Moved by this error, he hurried to the place of festivity.  Like Banquo’s ghost, in Palace Hall, his presence caused stagnation.[14] So sudden and unexpected was the interruption that food and voice faucibus haesit,[15] and gaping wonder sat on every visage, but the spasm over, and the order given, the countenances of all change, and every person present seemed to say with Macbeth., “ What man  dare I dare?”  The command to disperse was not obeyed, and what were the consequences?  Why, letters were scattered abroad among all the Fathers stating the offence as insubordination, and that connection with college of all students implicated in the affair had ceased until a full and ample apology was made.  Thus the matter rested through vacation, boding, perhaps, to the minds of my anxious mothers a longer rest for their darling sons from the toils and pleasures of college life.  “But the end is not yet.”  The fall term came, and the Junior year should have come blooming with the flowers of its spring-time, but alas, a frost, a “killing frost” hung upon its bloom.  Winter lingered still, and frigid and benumbed, the once proud class of ’56—numbers seventy-five all told—spirit broken, lingered about, waiting for the sun.  A few, in the grey of morn might be seen crawling from their dens to the Chapel and recitation room, but these were few indeed.  Only those that had laid up provision and fuel beforehand ; only those who, guided by the blue flame, had stood apart from the majority or those who found it more convenient to beg at the pantry that pay at the board.  For days no ray of hope dawned.  The benign countenance of mercy was merged in the stern liniaments of authority.  The severe arbiter of the fortunes of the Junior class sat in his study, hid from the vulgar gaze—his spirit, alternately tossed by a troubled conscience and a stolid self-will, waited to be gracious.  But no ; it would not yield—the fellows have disobeyed.  I am ruler, right or wrong, and an apology I must have, was the burden of its meditations.  Tired of waiting, the students moved, and his authority was acknowledged.  They felt the light of sun, but it was low in the sky, and its heavens did not so much gladden as before.  The light of winter was upon many a bud and blossom.  A wreath was formed of the flowers that bloomed.  But where, oh where are Thrasher, Emerson, Howe, Gage, Merrill, Fuller, and a number others who have left these halls by reason of this outrage.[16] Gone—the places that knew them once know them no more.  Their vacant seats proclaim them gone.  The morning bell calls them no longer to our side.  There is sorrow for them in every heart.

President Lord, you have done the class of ’56 a great wrong—and as one having authority we commend to you, for the future, a more careful husbandry of your resources.

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To all persons who intend to bequeath any thing to Dartmouth College :

As it is well known that the President and Professors of the College spend most of their leisure time in begging books and money to increase its library and buildings, and  improve its grounds; representing to those gentlemen who generously respond to their prayers, that their assistance will prove of great advantage to the students, and thereby to the country and world, we take this opportunity to proclaim the falsity of these professions, and to make a plain, candid statement of the truth.  To show how things go, from the many we select a new examples.

First, the College Library.  This contains in all, near $100,000 worth of books, which are almost entirely useless to students.  Every measure is taken by the faculty to prevent the drawing of a single book.  They will provide no catalogue, so that we can learn what books are available in the Library, and to make doubly sure, they will not allow us to even see what books are there ; for they have built a pen, three feet by four around the entrance.  “Hitherto shall those come, and no farther.”  When for fear that by some means we might learn what books there are, and then draw books, they have affixed a tax so great that not two students in a class can afford to draw all the books which are necessary for reference, &c.  Ten cents per volume is charged, though it is used only an hour.  But this is not an insurmountable objection.  As one of the Profs. told me once, “ you can draw a few books.”  Ah! they are too cunning for us here, for almost every book is marked “ use of Faculty,” that can be of any value to the student.  The Library is often never opened for a whole fortnight at a time, and never oftener than once a week, never longer than half an hour, which is at the hour of dinning.

Doct. Shattuck of Boston bequeathed several thousand dollars for erecting an observatory and purchasing astronomical instruments.  What came of it?  First of all, Prof. H.[17] pocketed 500$ “for superintendence,” though he never spent two days all his “superintending” put together.  Next, a gang drunken vagabonds were employed to do the work, and what with three or four barrels of rum, from 8 to $10,000, and Prof. H.’s superintending, in the course of two years they erected a little inferior building on the Acropolis, much resembling an old tin milk pan, and not equaling in size, finish or beauty of architecture, the college privy.  Then there were thousands of dollars expended for the purchase of astronomical instruments.  What comes of it?  Simply this ; during the whole four years we are allowed just six minutes per man to learn the use of and use the instruments.  No wonder we are excellent astronomers.

Gentlemen, if you do have any money to give away, do give it for some purpose, that it may do some good; for we believe that is your object.  Give it, we conjure you, to some poor student, who subsists on bread and water, that he so train his mind as to be a useful and a good man.  Help such, or they sink; for the Faculty, with the exception of two, give them nothing but scorn, insult and neglect.  There are many students hoping in labor in the “Lord’s field.”  We are poor, very poor; we have to neglect our studies to subsist; to strain every nerve that we may live through College.  Our minds are distracted by anxiety.  What if we are sick for a long time?  Poor-House ! that’s all!  Only loan us money; we will pay it if God gives us strength, both principal and interest.  You will bless us all our lives.—Don’t give to the College, as has been done; for every accession to the College funds has been accompanied with increased burdens on us.  We have to help support a preacher against our will; for many do really believe it a sin to support such a man in pulpit.

There are not ten students that had not rather set on a sharp stick and listen to the clattering of a loose shingle than listen to the preaching of Rev. John Richards.[18] He never visits us, never speaks to us, never looks at us, and I believe never thinks of us, unless a connected with his salary.  Through excessive use of tobacco, he is pallid and filthy as old Charon himself.

A man needs a long purse to get through a term here; every broken window pane, every dog that is killed, every horse that dies, every hen or chicken that is stolen, is paid for by the students, no matter who did the damage.  Gentlemen, “books are intended to be read.  If you have any to give, give them with such conditions that they might do good.  Let us see if we can’t read them.  Gentlemen of the Faculty, if you are gentlemen, if you care for us, (and you do unless you lie,) we allow you to draw books from our libraries free of cost.  Will you be so kind, so decent, so honorable, so just, as to let us look at those, which, no doubt, were givenas much to us as you; for the men who gave them were good men; they gave them that they might do good.  Not to two or three were they given, but to all.  They were not written, nor were they given to “be eaten of worms, but to be read of men.”

A MEMBER OF THE THOLOGICAL SOCIETY.

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Sophomoric Festival

I came, I saw, I flunked.—SHAK.

We are sorry to be compelled to announce that the Sophomores have decided to have no regular Class Supper at the close of the present year.  The cause of this failure is doubtless to be attributed to the obstinacy and stupidity of certain wooden-headed Sophs., whose brains and common sense are as “ a grain of mustard seed,” and the more liberal and generous-hearted members of the class, being convinced that it would be useless to prolong a contest in which a desire for harmony and good fellowship had to do battle against secret society influence, and the most narrow minded, bigoted piety, wisely retired from the field and are to have an independent supper, in which undertaking we wish them much success.

In order that the names and labors of the distinguished president, talented orator and pious poet (shade of Watts!)may not be entirely lost to the world, we have been induced (at the urgent request of ex-president Denny) to insert lithographs of these worthies, together with short biographical notices of them.

THE PRESIDENT

Edward W. C.—Bruce P. Beta Denny,

on the revolving Cask.[19]

The above is a lifelike engraving of the illustrious Sophomore who supposed, in the simplicity of his heart, that he should have an opportunity to grace the festive board in an official capacity.  Alas for the Phi Beta !  He has learned to his sorrow that there is “ many a slip betwixt cup and lip,” and he may as well “hang his harp on some old pine stub, and bid a long farewell to all his greatness.”  Our artist has represented him in his favorite attitude, which he learned of a clown in Spaulding & Roger’s Circus, while travelling as agent for that company several years since.  It may not be inappropriate to state that P. Beta Denny is the embodiment of every christian virtue.  He is mild and yielding in disposition, winning in his manners, temperate in his habits, and so averse to the use of tobacco, that he never was known to even have to have a piece in his pocket.  We close our remarks upon the life and character of this noble youth in “borrowed language,” giving Hixson’s[20] first regular toast—“ Our President!  may his reputation upon the revolving cask be commensurate with the growth of his ears, and his fame as presiding officer.”

We beg pardon of the Sophs. for not furnishing an engraving of the pious poet, W. A. Coult, Dr. Watts Converse, but no artist could be found in the United States who dared venture upon the task.  His physiognomy is so peculiar and his “upper works” so completely surrounded with a halo o millennial glory, that we were compelled to give up the idea of obtaining correct likeness of him.  Dr. Converse had prepared as a poem for the Sophomore supper, a parody upon that beautiful hymn commencing, “ Rock of ages, cleft for me, &c.”  We have been favored with a perusal of the manuscript, and shall print portions of it at some future day.

THE ORATOR,

Tom Marshal—Jolly Marshall’s Brother[21]

Would that we had space to portray fully the life and character of this specimen of a “ United States Ramrod!”  The Sophs can never fully know what a grievous wrong they have done in thus blighting the prospects of America’s most gifted orator.  To make the matter worse, Tom is actually foolish enough to think (as he informed us, with tears in his eyes) “ that the Sophomores never intended he should be their Orator, and that his election was a premeditated sell !’”  We would assure Tom, that he is mistaken if he believes any such gammon, and as a proof of the high estimation in which he is held by the Faculty, we would say that Prof. Peanuts informed us confidently, a short time since, “ that the Faculty had decided, in case Sammy Brow’s literary child proved “ still born,” to invite Tom to deliver before the associate alumni, the addresses he had prepared for the ungrateful Sophs.

The vessel in which it was intended to chop

poor Calculus.

The following Sophomores were elected bearers :

JOE GILE, the dissipated man.[22]

ED MILLIKEN, the debauchee.[23]

D. PRIEST NOYES, the fancy man.[24]

CHUCKLE-HEADED BEDEE, the unsuccessful pedagogue.[25]

Under the immediate superintendence of Chief-Marshal Follett,[26] who was to be mounted upon stilts, bearing in one hand a glass of milk and water, and in the other a speaking-trumpet.

The bearers were expected to take turns in carrying the vessel to the place selected for burial, which was a beautiful and romantic little nook near Prof. Hubbard’s from door step, and having deposited the vessel there, they were to cover it carefully with a shingle, and live it to the tender mercies of Charon.[27] Owing to the thievish propensities of Prof. Hubbard, it was not thought safe to leave mony with the vessel to pay toll across the Styx, and Freshman Fellows was appointed to see Charon and settle with him.  Fellows was a classmate of Charon’s, in College, and the same age with him.

N.  B.—The project of a Class Supper having been given up, all these worthies were unceremoniously kicked out of office.  “ Sic transit gloria mundi !”[28]

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Getting Behind the Curtain

______

If a supremely ridiculous idea was ever uttered by mortal man, it was a late parturition of thought uttered by your Rev. Dr. Prex. in a recent address to the students, wherein he advices them to come and get behind the separating wall which bounds Facultyville and Student-Green.  He apparently very cordially invited the students to call and know them, as men, aside from their official capacity.  Now a Freshman, six weeks old, know it is all gammon from beginning to end.  When a student presumes to call, if he is not asked what he wants as soon as the sanctum door condescendingly swings open in hinges, he is insultingly stared at, and the idea at once conveyed, if not spoken, “what business have you to presume to enter here?”  No matter what aspirations the poor Freshie may have cherished of finding one friend at least, they are at once dampened, and with a stammering inquiry about some study, he retires to his room, feeling that whatever education may have done for his Rev. instructors, it has not given them decent politeness.  A fact will illustrate:  Not twenty-five years since, a student in conversation with his comrade, spoke of this utter want of sociability and a common politeness on the part of the Faculty, and he agreed to visit the Prex. and see if he would converse with his as though a student were a human being.  He took with him a letter received from a distance, making inquiries about the College, and thought to himself, “ this will break the ice, and then I can sail right out into the broad stream of the Prex.’s affections, which the brags so much about.”  No sooner had he mentioned the inquiries made in the letter than the Prex. swung round in his easy chair, and with the utmost dignity, said “ Eh !  the-Catalogue—the-Catalogue-will inform-you.—Eh,-good-morning !” and then very coldly bowing towards the door, he resumed the writing of his 99th sermon on the downhill tendencies of his mundane sphere.

This is a fair specimen of the way students are received, and when you hear any such lingo as the Prex. got off about getting behind their official reserve, you may know it is all hypocricy.  They want you no nearer than the Treasurer’s Office.

A worthy citizen of Hanover, in conversation with a Prof., asked him why they did not visit students, or invite students to visit them and their families, saying he thought nearly all of the college scrapes and mischief might be prevented, if the Faculty would but convince the students that they recognized them as belonging to the  genus homo. And what was his reply?  “Why ! do you suppose we want all the students in our houses?”  Ay, there’s the rub.  “Do you suppose we, the higher order of society, wish to contaminate ourselves by noticing such exceedingly diminutive fry?  No !  we cannot condescend to call upon them, unless some of us lose an old hen or sick chicken, and then we will pounce upon the lot, accuse them all, send of half a dozen suspected ones, and put an extra quarter on the term bills for repairs.”

Many has been the student who has graduated Old Dartmouth who never saw a Prof. enter his room during the four year’s course.  If you room in the buildings, possibly the inspector may look in once during the term to know if you have torn off any paper, in the necessary onslaught upon bed-bug; but if said bugs remain undisturbed, you will not be further troubled.

As to getting behind the curtain, there is no such thing, and the Faculty never mean to have any as long as they can keep you at a distance.  Senior year, when you want and need no favors from them, they will possibly ask you in to eat an ice-cream, and a few strawberries, but this is only a form handed down, and is nothing but a bore and an imposition.

If you have a tithe of the regard you profess for us, do for mercy’s sake, and the peace of your own consciences, remember the poor, disconsolate, homesick, heart-broken, distracted, puzzled, woe-begone, unpitied, much-abused, trampled-upon, neglected, and dispairing Freshmen.

———————–*————————–

Literary Notices.

___

Snub-graphs ; or Women I have met ;” by

Ike.  Ticknor, Reed & Field, Publishers

1855.

We have lately received a copy of the above-mentioned work, and the rare merit of those portions of it which we have had time to peruse, seem to render the book worthy of something more than a passing notice at our hands.

The author is evidently possessed of a vivid imagination, and his style of composition resembles more closely that of N. P. Willis than any other popular writer of our times.  Ike has been a traveler and an alternative observer of women and things, nor is he a novice in classical literature or mathematical sciences.  He has dabbled in politics, and is an enthusiastic admirer of that ultra-abolitionist, W. H. Seward; but these things are minor points in the book, which he weaves in with the narrative so dexterously as to occasion no weariness on the part of the reader.

We make a single extract, which is not the best, but perhaps a fair sample of the whole work.  Ike, in the course of his travels, visited the Granite State, and as a matter of course, hastened to prostrate himself at the shrine of that temple of the muses, more familiarly known as the “ Tin Horn College,” and among other  interesting items, he relates the following piquant little incident ; but we will use his own words:

—“Sol, the bright God of the day, was just sinking behind the western horizon, bathing the hill-tops with golden light, when I sallied forth from my lodging for an evening walk.  All nature seemed hushed in repose ; not a leaf was stirring, and as I gazed on the scene, my heart swelled with noble emotions, and visions of future greatness flitted before my mind.  Thus mediating, I walked slowly along the highway which leads from Hanover to the beautiful hamlet of Lebanon.

As the twilight begun to deepen, I thought I could distinguish in the distance two ladies; now, thought I, for a romantic adventure!  I quickened my pace, and neared them rapidly ; but as they were going in the same direction as myself, I could not catch even a glimpse of their faces.  When I was within speaking distance, I addressed them in my most bland manner, and inquired “the road to Lebanon.”  they gave me no answer, nor did they even deign to turn their faces towards me, which did not abash me, as I attribute their reserve to the charming modesty which is a characteristic of all Hanover ladies, so I repeated my question, when one of them turned partly round, revealing to astonished gaze the dimpled cheeks of the pretty Hibernian lassie who waited upon the table at my boarding-house ; and thus she answered me :  ‘ I should think you had been long enough in Hanover to know the road to Lebanon ! ! ! ! ! !’ I did not stay to question them farther, but slowly retracted my steps, musing on the disobliging disposition of ladies in general, and the ill-taste of these in particular.  It was late night before Orpheus held me in his arms.”

We would be glad to quote other equally beautiful passages, but this will serve to give our readers some idea of the merits f the book.  We recommend it to notice most cordially.

Copies can be obtained at the “ Poney furnishers.”   Price $1.25

Birth

On Sunday Eve.,  July 15,  1855, S. G. Brown[29] was delivered of an ugly, deformed, weak, puling, diseased child, all of which qualities were inherited from its parent.  If the animal hangs together long enough, it will be exhibited to the associate alumni on Wednesday, July 25th, 9 o’clock A. M.

Married

At Dartmouth Hotel, on Thursday Eve., July 5th, by the Rev. Printer Kimball, Mr. H. A. D., of the Sophs. Class, Dart. Coll., to Miss Bridget Biddy Childs, of Hanover.

(Our pigs acknowledge the receipt of cake with a self-satisfactory grunt).

Also, at Lake Village, N. H., Nov. 30th, 1854, by Rev. King Solomon Hall, James Willis Patterson, Prof. Math. Dart. Coll., to Miss Sarah P. Wilder, of L. V.  Requiescant in lecto.[30]

Died

At the North Building, Dart. Coll., on Sunday, July 8, 1855, James Raven Corvus, aged 2 months and 1 day.

The deceased was the adopted child of Mr. and Mrs. William Elwyn Hersey.  He was noted for his amiability of disposition, and though reared in the haunts of vice, and surrounded by all the debasing influences that depraved humanity can exercise, he steadily resisted temptation to the last—died in peace, and we hope, has gone to the mansions of repose, where No. 25, North Building of Heaven, will be allotted him.[31]

COM

N O T I C E !

_________

THE SUBSCRIBER is about to open a Saloon in the South wing of the Observatory, for the sale of FRUIT, and such other luxuries as the market affords.  He will also keep constantly on hand a great variety of the

CHOICEST LIQUORS,

which he will retail at the uniform price of 6 1-4 cts. per glass.  The “ North Building” is already pledged to his support.

N. B.—As his Saloon is kept on strictly astronomical principles, everybody will be allowed to get high.

Inquire at the sign of the “Flat Nose,”

No. 2 SNOB’S BLOCK.

GRAND POW-WOW ! ! !

———————–*————————–

The Embers of the Ill-harmony Society beg to announce another of their chaste and classical

BAR ROOM CONCERTS

AT

DARTMOUTH HALL,

On Tuesday Evening, July 25th.

___________

TUP WELLS, Musical Generator.[32]

___________

1st Fiddle, with AEolian Attachment of a phial of Schiedam,

W. S. LITTLETON LEONARD.[33]

2d Fiddle, tuned on a graduated scale of

a glass of ale, a glass of water, a glass

of cider and then a glass of water.

JOHN Benton GOODRICH.[34]

Royal 100 dollar, silver-keyed 29 striped

Beoghm Flute,

FANNY FLETCHER (Class of 1802.) [35]

Catarrh and Tobacco Pipe.

CHARLIE ANN CARLETON.[36]

Hornet a la Screech Owl,

B. SILLIMAN CHURCH.[37]

Ancestral Fiddle,

TUP WELLS.

At precisely half past seven o’clock, the Boeghm Flute will be brought into the Chapel on two chips, and deposited in the rear of the pulpit, where it will be guarded by four members of the Dartmouth Phalanx, until the Powwow commences.

At eight o’clock, on the tolling of the Chapel curfew, the inflated and vanity-stuffed Fletcher will be lowered into the Chapel through one of the upper windows, by six seniors, who will feel highly honored, inasmuch as they have been permitted to approach the noble flutists, who is (in his own estimation) so much their superior in point of age, ability and acquirements.  The other members will enter the Chapel by way of the door, and arrange themselves in a hollow square around the pulpit, while “ Musical Generator” will proceed to screw up the “ Creator and Righteous Governor” of all little violins.  Professor John Newton will preside at the organ and favor the rabble with several sacred songs, such as “ Oh, I’m a used up man,”  “One-eyed Riley,” and others ; he will be assisted in the second hymn by Freshman Clifford,[38] who will also by particular request, repeat for the ninety-ninth time, his original song of “ Villikins and his Dinah.”

The Embers will then proceed to saw out as intervals the following choice

PROGRAMME:

PART I.

  1. Grand Overture, from the Opera of

Watson and his Wife,                                    TUP WELLS.

  1. “ Dreaming I slept with thee, love.”

(Flute Solo by Fletcher.).

  1. Zig-zag Schottische,                  LEONARD.
  2. Freshman Fletcher will come before the audience, leaning upon the arm of Dr. Richards, and give a description of the Boeghm Flute, how he came by it, the price, and many other interesting particulars concerning its pedigree, which will be entirely new to most of those present, and in itself worth the price of admission.

______________

PART II.

  1. Sovenir d’Ascutney,               FLETCHER.
  2. Adagio—Melon-cholic-oh !          T. WELLS.
  3. Solo on two Horns (of Brandy)              By GOODRICH.
  4. Jordan—with an illustration of its

“stormy banks.”                                                By LEONARD.

  1. Carnival of Dartmouth, By the Boeghm Flute, with

the feeble aid of                                                      Freshman FLETCHER.

This beautiful piece of composition borrows its name from the “ Carnival of Venice.”  It is intended to represent Dartmouth the morning after the Freshmen Recitation room was bottled.  The music commences with an imitation of the wailing of Freshmen in distance, mingled with snatches of the Iliad and emphatic spits of tobacco juice ; the horrid oaths and imprecations of Freshman Fellows will also be faithfully represented.

At the close of the Powwow, the Boeghm flute will come forward, and, after thanking the audience for their generous patronage, will dance a jig in front of the pulpit.  The Freshmen having retired, the bodies of Messrs. Gove, Denny, and Bartsh[39] will be brought in upon a board, and it is expected that Tup Wells will deliver a eulogy commemorative of the many virtues of the illustrious dead.  The bodies will then be placed in barrels and buried in the rear of Frary’s Eating House (formerly Dartmouth Hotel.)

N. B.—Price of Tickets will vary according to the size of the individual.  It will be useless for several members of the Freshman Class to apply for admission as the Prex. has positively forbidden the enlargement of the Chapel door.

Poetry

R-i-g-h-t Dress.

N O T   B Y   L O N G F E L L O W .

Dedicated to an ex-officer of the Dartmouth Phalanx.

_______________

The shades of night were falling fast

When through a peaceful village passed

A youth, who bore at head of line,

A banner, with this strange design,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

His brow was sad—his eye beneath

Flashed like a fashion from its sheath,

And, like a jingling cow-bell, rung

The accepts of that well-known tongue,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

In nunnery panes he saw the light

Of gladsome eyes beam warm and bright,

Around the glistering bayonets shone,

And from his lips escaped a groan,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

Tread not the road, the soldiers said,

The dust thick gathers round our heads,

The grassy common is long and wide—

But loud that cow-bell voice replied,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

Right dress—right flank—file right, and rest,

Those rusty muskets on your breast ;

A glance shone from his blood-shot eye,

And still he ordered, with a sigh,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

[The company having disbanded, the scene is changed

—squad returned from “ down town.”]

He’d yielded to the wine cup red,

He pressed his hot and aching head—

The squad all cried “ be up to prayers”—

A voice was heard far up the stairs,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

At break of day, as chapel-ward

Jogged the grave and reverend Lord,

Cramming the oft-repeated prayer,

A voice groaned through the startled air,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

A student fast by Morpheus bound,

Stretched out in No. 4, was found

Still grasping, in his hand of ice,

That banner, with this strange device,

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

There, in the twilight, cold and grey,

Most beautifully “ corned” he lay,

And from his bowls, deep and far,

A voice rose like a grunting “ bar,”

R-i-g-h-t  dress.

———————–*————————–

The following touching effusion was foond by our devil a few mornings since, in the grass, East of Dartmouth Hotel.

Of course it was accidently dropped by the devoted swain who had lain there the night before gazing at the shadow on the curtain.

To my bright Guiding Star :

Oh ! lovely one, what fires consume my heart,

What secret influence fans the raging flame ;

When a few short weeks shall bring the time to part,

I shall pine and pine away, and sigh, and mourn un-

till I see thy bright, gel-lorious, heavenly face

again.

I’ve walked the streets by moonlight, to and fro,

To catch a passing glimpse of thy dear form ;

I’ve borne the jeering taunts of mates, you know,

For you heard awful groans and hisses, but, made bold

by love, have braved the storm.

I’ve spent all the money that father gave me to buy

cravats, kid gloves and canes,

I’ve made myself the finest beau in town ;

But Oh ! what grief is mine, if all my pains

But wring from you a cold, forbidding frown.

The smile on me, my love ; give me one token

That I am not entirely without interest for thee,

Or else I’ll cry my eyes away ; heart broken,

From College and all these lovely scenes, and from al

my other “ flames” down country, to some way-

off place I ll quickly flee.                                                      E.

———————–*————————–

Milo’s Prayer to Nathan.

Rura mihi et rigui placeant in vallibus annes,

Fiumina amnem sylvasque inglorious[40] –VIRGIL.

Dear Nathan, when the summer sun

Pours down his rays upon my pate,

When poisonous fogs infect the air,

I pray thee let me rusticate.

For study is a heavy load,

And recitations are a bore ;

The prayers-bell has a funeral sounds,

O, may I never hear it more.

O, send me, for three months or more,

To some retired romantic land,

Replete with wine and lovely girls,

And such like blessings close at hand.

Midway some woody mountain-side,

Where gentle streams meandering stray,

Well stocked with trout and lined with flowers,

Far as the eye can trace the way.

In some kind country parson’s cot,

With eglantines and roses graced,

Where many a fragrant wild flower greets

My senses ; let me there be placed.

Thoughts of Phi Betas banished then,

I, books, and wine, and love shall sweet accord,

Spies, duns, and horns, and Richards far away,

With great devotion, “ I will serve the Lord.”

O, Nathan dear, if you will hear my prayer,

May your good sense return, now gone astray ;

May you enjoy the sweets of love and wine,

And live until the “ great millennial day.”

Notes from Dartmouth.

_____________

MR EDITOR :—I am aware that “ brevity is the soul of wit.”[41] What body of wit is the Faculty have not informed us.  I presume, however, it is prolixity.  Still, I will be as brief as may be, though I must forewarn you that never before has there been presented to my mind a subject appearing so fruitful in thoughts for the pen ; so abundant in matter for the press; so interesting, so extensive, so instructive in mediations and suggestions for the dissertation of the student, the harangue of the orator, the discourse of the preacher, the treatise of the naturalist, or the essay of the moralist.  But I have thought that our views of society in any place, are not altogether unlike our views of a landscape.  For as when standing on some eminence, we behold the natural scenery around, if for any cause we find it impossible to take a minute survey of every object within the compass of our sight, we are induced to pass over the small and ordinary things of nature, and scrutinize more closely whatever is remarkable, grand and sublime, presented to our views.  So in our views of society anywhere;  if for any reason we are restrained—if we are compelled to contract our views—we are inclined to throw aside the minor objects, and concentrate our whole powers of thought and reflection upon the great and distinguished characters of earth.  We love to consider the anomalies; we love to contemplate the prodigies among men, even though they be prodigious villains.

And now standing, in imagination, on a “vast” eminence of “solid trap,” familiarly known at Hanover as “ Prex.’s garden,” whence may be seen at a glance the entire “ city of plain,” since time would fail me to examine every nook and corner of this notorious place, I am induced to seek out a few of the most prominent objects, to notice the most remarkable characters, to the neglect of things of comparatively minor importance.

My thoughts, then, are first directed to contemplate, in all the unavoidable astonishment of beholding, at one view the seven wonders of the world, the seven paragons of modern science and art, dwelling in a sort of hollow square round the spacious area of the College common.  Sapping and mining the body politic as so many ulcers a human body, viz: green-eyed Nathan, and six or seven lesser lights, constituting the Faculty of Dartmouth College; an order of beings spawned in the cold, clammy regions of the ethical abstraction;  a whole whole of the codfish aristocracy, as ludicrously out of place up here among the granite farmers of N. H. as the real cod in a frog-pond;  as destitute of all common feelings and sympathies of humanity as mummies;  possessing no quality of manhood, save, perhaps, an ugly image of common clay—sort of ignis fatui,[42] or meteoric luminaries, revolving about our planet in an etherial orbit, somewhere between terra firma and nonentity, but never coming within the influence of terrestrial gravity, unless to manifest themselves to the “ humanities” in the halo of mathematical coldness, as the snobbish retailers of stale old snubs upon the devoted heads of students—such as “ the reverse is true,” coming with a most unearthly groan, and a most fiendishly triumphant grin, from the philosophical Ira; and “ the nixt,” lisping ominously, from the pretty mouth of the fantastic Sammy.

But tie admonishes me to forbear all notice of these preternatural protuberances upon the society of this place, in their collective capacity, and to pass immediately to one or two of the more malignant cases, and then “ leave them alone in their glory.”

And “ to beard the lion in his den,” I come then, to ulcer No.1[43]—the presiding genius at a certain cloistered establishment, where young maidens are supposed to be mailed for life’s conflict with the “breast-plate of Faith”—oh, what breastworks !—to contemplate in silent admiration, the colossal intellect and talent necessary to plan and direct this magic mystery of iniquity; this stately labyrinth of doubt and withering speculations.  Oh! for the eye of Faith, to thread its mazy round;  for “ it has no light, neither of the sun nor of the moon, to shine in it.”

But being one of the uninitiated, I shall try and be content with a brief view of the magnificent Oliver, as he manifests himself to the world, in his sallies forth from the dark revels of the convent.  Now, then, personally, he is decidedly a sleek-looking individual, so far as the tailor, he himself, and his dear Faith have to do with his appearance; wearing, undoubtedly, the best fitting coat of any man in the Faculty, with never a speck of dirt thereon, as Faith would have it, in fulfillment of the Scripture, “ ye make clean the outside of the platter, but within it is full of extortion and excess.”  But so far as nature had to do with getting him up, it is evident, at a glance, that she showed herself, for once at least, neither, over generous in her materials, not over skillful in moulding them—such shoulders—a span towards his rear would have made him a camel ; such a nose—so rounded at the end—a little more and he would be a codfish.  In fact, so true is he to nature, physiologists have late agreed in imputing to nature, informing Oliver, the secret, dark design operating upon the “ cheapest” model, a reliable specimen of “ codfish aristocracy”—a sort of an aliquantus neither little nor much ; less than multus and more than paulus.[44]

But I pass now from ulcer No. 1, to treat somewhat of the characteristics of ulcer No. 2, a more malignant specimen, if possible, of his class of sores—our button-mouthed Evans Professor of Oratory and Belles-Letters, familiarly known at Dartmouth as Sammy little Sammy, Snubby Sammy, or fastidious Sammy Gilman Brown—a person of no mean origin, to be sure, but occupying very much the same position among the Faculty, as parentheses in Whatelv, “ i.e.,” not material to the sense.  And yet, his peculiar gait, his all-sufficient bearing, would indicate that ‘ the reverse of this is true;”  that he is of vast consequence to the world; so much so, forsooth, that were he by any unforeseen accident, deprived of his wind, the wheels of the “ vast” universe of God would stop ; gravity cease to operate.  But again, seeing Sammy passing along, “ turning neither to the right hand nor to the left,” with “ his eye intent on visioned future bent,” (and elevated about 45° above the common herd around him) one cannot avoid the conviction that his pious parents placed ne mean estimate upon the Bible injunction, “ train up a child in the way he should go, and when he gets old he will go it;  “ i. e.,” nose foremost.

But it is vain to attempt to describe the man; words are inadequate ; the tongue falters; the thoughts are perplexed by the inconceivable vastness of the theme, and the pen falls.  To form a “ lucid idea” of our Sammy, one must see him ; and it were well to see him while making one of his oratorical displays;  when that button-mouth is writhed and twisted with the agony of parturition of thoughts too big for birth.  And I would take this opportunity to give notice to “ all the world and the rest of humanity,” that Sammy Gilman Brown, Professor of Oratory and Bells-Letters at Dartmouth College, will address the Alumni of the College on Wednesday, July 25th, 1855, at the “ Iron Works,” North end of the common, Hanover, N. H.; and by his special private request, a “ general invitation” is hereby given to “the people of the world” to attend, since, as Sammy told me, (he will pardon the betrayal of confidence) a large audience adds very much to the success of his efforts; and he intends to make this one of him sublimest displays, having himself, as committee, selected himself as orator for the occasion, and set his own price on his labor.  Come one, come all!  The old “ Foundry” will be ample to contain all from abroad, who may wish to hear him.  Students, having become familiar with his “ rhetorical” displays, are requested to withdraw and give place to strangers if necessary.  Again I say, come ! and “ don’t never, by no means,” lose the chance of witnessing the miraculous speculum of lisping, ruddy, unorthodox, reverend, making his appearance upon the orthodox planks of that old cushionless, carpetless sanctuary, clothed with transcendent brightness, taking his position in his accustomed mock majesty, and soothing the multitude into a sort of weak and awful reverence, by the gentle voice issuing from his pretty button-mouth, like pus from the foetid crater of a newly broken ulcer.  And further, it is expected that Sammy will exhibit some choice plagiarisms from the manuscript of his dead father, former President of the College, whose literary remains Sammy selfishly and ungratefully refused to publish, and from which it is well known he sacrilegiously pilfers thoughts he never inherited.  Such is our Sammy—a personage elevated by some freak of fortune’s tail to the position of a Professor in the third college in America,[45] with no qualifications for such a position, whatever, either natural or acquired.  And here he lives, dissolving in the voluptuous embraces of his buxom wife, washing his little vitality in bringing into this lower, evil world, swarms of “ todlin’ wee things,” as much to be pitied and as miserable as himself, fit only for manure to fertilize, from generation to generation, the sandy knolls of a Hanover grave-yard, or what is worse, to people the regions of dark despair.  How beautifully, appropriately and philanthropically might the dear, good woman, so much his bigger half, both in form, and size, and weight, as also in physical vivacity, labor to impress upon her dear, vanishing Sammy, the practical, personal utility, in this “ degenerating” age, of the unique wish of another great Brown, (one Sir Thomas, I believe) who, having been twice married, “ wished mankind were propagated like trees.”

LORD & CO.’S

GRAND

—OF—

TRAINED BABOONS,

Will be exhibited at the

IRON FOUNDRY, HANOVER,

On Thursday, July 26.[46]

______

The Proprietors are happy to state to the public, that the present season, they are able to present some more perfect specimens of the Baboon species than has ever before been connected with their widely celebrated establishment.  Many of the animals on the exhibition have been sent to this Company from a distance, “ at an expense of hundreds and hundreds of dollars ;” and most of the have, for four years, been under the training of the most skillful managers in the known world.  By this long and superior drill, their managers have succeeded in teaching them many remarkable and amusing tricks ; such as taking books from recitation room of College students, stealing Freshmen’s wood, and Nun’s cloths.  They see always to have taken the greatest delight in riding ponies ; and as they have been indulged to the extent of their desire to proprietors feel confident they can display more expert equestrianship than any other company in existence—even Mademoiselle Stevens has yielded to them !

It is thought, also, that the great controversy in regard to man’s origin can now be settled beyond the possibility of doubt.

The great fact of the nineteenth century—that there is a link between animal and man, connecting to the whole animal creation, is here satisfactory demonstrated.[47] For it is said, on good authority—Dr. Richards—that many of these trained Baboons can speak respectable English, and some, with the aid of Bohn, can even read detached sentences in Latin.

The long-tailed animals will first appear en masse, presenting a final scene that cannot fail to disgust all present.

F O R  S A L E .

_____

THE SUBSCRIBER would like to give notice that after the levees attending the last annual Comencement, he was enabled to procure, at great expense of time, and by gleaming all the closets and rooms of the College buildings, together with the back-yards of the President and Prof. Brown, as fine an assortment of Candle Stubs and Lamp Wicks as was ever offered for sale in Hanover.

Persons wishing to procure either of the aforesaid commodities, will do well to call at the subscriber’s office, in Lang Hall, before purchasing elsewhere, and examine for themselves.

Prices will vary directly at their lengths

Candle Stubs, 1-2 inch in length,  –  –  2 for a cent

“        “       1      “        “     –  –  –  –  1  “   “

Badly jammed, 1 1-2 inches in length,   1  “  “

Lamp Wicks according to age, quantity of gum, &c.

I would also state that some of the stubs being badly jammed and dirtied, they were melted over and cleansed, and by this means I am enabled to offer for sale a pound and three ounces of tallow, at prices that cannot fail to suit the most penurious.[48]

O. P.  HUBBARD.

AUCTION![49]

______

Will be sold on Public Auction, July 27th, 1855, the

following articles of property :

THE GIRL BETSEY !

Betsey is a very likely girl;  large, intelligent, handy and healthy.  She is acquainted with all kinds of house work, and is a good breeder.  Second,

S A R A H ;

Said girl is very neat, handsome and intelligent; a good cook and seamstress, and would make a good housekeeper for a single man.    Third,

THE BOY FRANK.

Said boy is 22 years old, healthy well made, and able to endure much labor, drinks but little, and is as bright as “ niggers” generally are.  There would be no trouble with him on a cotton plantation.  All the above are warranted sound in mind and limb.

ALSO, AT THE SAME PLACE,

4 Plantation Whips, 2 Branding Irons, 4 Pistols, 3 ri-

fles, 7 Hand-cuffs, 1 Gag, 2 Bull Dogs, and 6

Blood Hounds.

Also, at the same time and place,

300 copies of “ Letter of Inquiry by a Northern Presbyter.”[50]

All which will be sold without reserve to the highest bidder.

NERRO LEGREE.[51]

Hanover, N. H.                                                      edf. 17.

NOTICE.

TWO THOUSAND calves wanted immediately by the subscriber for the Boarding House of this place.  It is desired that none be above 1 week old.

DEWEY & SON.

$ 75.00 REWARD !

____________________

WHEREAS, some person or persons have stolen from the subscriber 27 Bowling and 15 Billiard Balls, together with 25 Cues and 2 Bridges;  the above reward will be given to any one who will furnish evidence that will convict the perpetrators.  Or if any one will inform that subscriber where said property or a part of it may be found, he will stand treat.

WE—BEE.


[1] Wendell Phillips was a famous abolitionist and advocator of Native American rights. The authors of the OEstrus jokingly contrast him with Nathan Lord, an avid advocate of slavery.

[2] Reuben Delavan Mussey (1833-1892, D Class of 1854), became a professor of law in Howard University. For John Leverett Thompson (see OEstrus No. 2).

[3] The OEstrus makes many comments that would be considered, in 1850s New England, as bordering sacrilegious heresy. This fact alone makes it an interesting document from a phenomenological perspective.

[4] William Luther Thompson (1835-1906, D Class of 1858). Taught in high school after his graduation. Served as a first lieutenant during the Civil War on the staff of brigadier general Morris. After he was discharged he became a lawyer in Lawrence, MA, until his death.

[5] Andrew Davison Cochran (1833-1860, D Class of 1858, left 1856).

[6] Meaning “lying alone in his bed.”

[7] Daniel Webster died in 1852. His last words were “I Still Live.” This seems to be a paraphrasing of this statement, especially as the writers of the OEstrus mention it in several different OEstrus publications.

[8] From William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.

[9] Nathan Lord (1792-1870, AB, AM Bowdoin, 1809; Theological Seminary Andover, MA, 1815; DD 1828; LL D 1864; President of Dartmouth College from 1828 to 1863) was arguably the most controversial character in the history of Dartmouth College. Lord was originally an avid abolitionist and the vice president of the Abolitionist Chapter of New England. As a president he significantly improved the state of the College, saving it from grave fiduciary problems and improving admission rates. However, a religious pious, Lord completely changed his opinion on slavery after he read a publication that justified slavery based on biblical quotations and Millennialism. He became a strong pro-slavery advocate, and in his his Sunday sermons he repeatedly exalted this “glorious institution.” Many Dartmouth students at the time seemed to have at least some appreciation for Lord, and his later advocates argued that regardless of the virulence of his opinions regarding slavery, he was not a racist. These advocates further argued that he always showed respect for African American students, and that under his presidency a significant number of African-American students graduated from Dartmouth College and the Dartmouth Medical School, including several prominent figures. Nevertheless, the writers of The OEstrus, to whom “a Southerner” was the most virulent curse word in the dictionary, resented Lord’s religious fanaticism, his Millennialism, and his harsh hand in dealing with student disobedience. Most of all, they wholeheartedly reject his defense of slavery, which was out of place in 1850s rural New England. Despite many complaints to the trustees of the College, Lord remained in his position until his malicious attitude towards Lincoln (whose election he viewed as the single worst event in American history), culminating with Lord actively preventing a Honorary Degree from being bestowed upon the newly elected US President, eventually antagonized several trustees, most notably Amos Tuck. Tuck (who gave his name to the Dartmouth Tuck School of Business) was a close acquaintance of Abraham Lincoln and played an important role in establishing the Republican Party. The Board eventually voted to remove Lord in 1863, but was beaten to the punch by Lord’s own letter of resignation. He remained in Hanover until 1870. The OEstrus repeatedly mocks Lord, frequently using religious allusions such as “the Lord protects us” or his official position as “The President (Prex.).”

[10] Latin: twists (also tortures) her eye at the Sophomores’ glory.

[11] Thomas Marshall (1831-1903, D Class of 1857; Union College Theological Seminary, 1864; DD Galesville University, 1891; Honorary DD Dartmouth College, 1902); Merritt Elton Goddard (1834-1891, D Class of 1857; Harvard Divinity School, 1861); Timothy Pillsbury Morrill in the Class of 1857 (1833-1907, D Class of 1857, left 1856); and Joseph Gile (1834-1891, D Class of 1857, Harvard Divinity School 1861).

[12] Latin: “if I cannot move Heaven, I’ll raise Hell.”

[13] Latin: “exception that proves the rule.”

[14] A Scottish general in Shakespeare’s Macbeth, who was murdered by Macbeth as a contender to the crown, and whose ghost hunts Macbeth’s palace throughout the play.

[15] Latin: “died in throat.”

[16] Charles Woodbury Thrasher (1829-1901, D Class of 1856); Thomas Emerson (1834-1903, D Class of 1856, AB Harvard 1856); Joseph Wilkins Howe (1829-1907, D Class of 1856, AM 1864); John Cutter Gage (1835-1915, D Class of 1856, AB Harvard 1856); Moses Merrill (1833-1902, D Class of 1856, AB Harvard 1856); William Eddy Fuller (1832-1911, D Class of 1856, AB Harvard 1856). All left Dartmouth, presumably because they were expelled, in 1854.

[17] Professor Oliver Hubbard.

[18] The priest of the college’s church (see OEstrus No. 2).

[19] Edward Watson Denny (1936-1919, D Class of 1857), member of Delta Kappa Epsilon. The nickname Phi Beta Denny was given to him because he was a member of the honor society Phi Beta Kappa, which seemed to upset the writers of the OEstrus.

[20] Lloyd Wells Hixon (1829-1907, D Class of 1857; MD Jefferson College, 1862).

[21] Thomas Marshall (1831-1903, D Class of 1857; Union College Theological Seminary, 1864; DD Galesville University, 1891; Honorary DD Dartmouth College, 1902), probably delivered this year’s Note of the Burying of Math. Jolly Marshal was the nickname of his brother Jonathan Marshall (1827-1904, D Class of 1854; LL B University of New York, 1862).

[22] Joseph Gile (1834-1891, D Class of 1857, Harvard Divinity School 1861).

[23] Charles Edward Milliken (1830-1896, D Class of 1857; Andover Theological Seminary, 1860).

[24] David Priest Noyes (1829-1866, D Class of 1857; LL B Albany Law School, 1859).

[25] Presumably Joshua William Beede (1832-1913, D Class of 1858; MD Bellevue Hospital Medical College, 1864; AM Colby College, 1893). Both the Dartmouth College General Catalogue 1940 and Chapman’s Sketches of Alumni of Dartmouth College list him as member of the Class of 1858, but a contemporary primary sources, The Dartmouth Phoenix (which later became the Dartmouth Aegis) and the College Catalogue of 1855-6, list him as a Junior, i.e. a member of the Class of 1857.

[26] John Atwood Follett (1834-1914, D Class of 1857; MD Albany Medical College, 1858), was the Dean of the Boston Dental College 1868-1899; and a Professor of Anatomy and Physiology.

[27] In Greek mythology Charon was the barkman that carried the souls of the dead across the river Styx and the river Acheron. The joke – made at Hubbard’s expense that, “it is not safe to leave money in the vessel” – is based on the Greek tradition according to which one covers the eyes of the dead with coins, so that they could pay Charon when they meet him.

[28] Latin: “so passes world’s fame.”

[29] Samuel Gilman Brown (1813-1885, D Class of 1831; Andover Theological Seminary, 1837; DD Columbia, 1852; LL D 1868), was Professor of Oratory and Belle Letters 1840-1863; Professor of Intellectual Philosophy and Political Economy, 1863-1867. He left Dartmouth thereafter and became the Professor of Natural and Revealed Religion and the president of Hamilton College, 1867-1881; Instructor of Intellectual and Moral Philosophy and Political Economy, 1881-1883; and a Professor of Mental and Moral Philosophy, Bowdoin College, 1883-1885. The writers of the OEstrus did not consider him to be very smart.

[30] Latin: “rest in their choice” and also “rest in their bridal bed.”

[31] I could not verify who or what was James Raven Corvus (Corvus is Latin for “raven”). The name Mr. and Mrs. William Elwyn Hersey might refer to two men who resided in Wentworth Hall: Charles Horace Hersey (1832-1910, D Class of 1856), who resided in Wentworth 20 with another roommate, William Henry Haile (1833-1901, D Class of 1856); and William Elwyn Jewell (1835-1899, D Class of 1856) who resided in Wentworth 24.

[32] Henry Martyn Wells (1835-1905, D Class of 1857; MD University of Pennsylvania, 1860), was a Navy Surgeon during the Civil War and a physician thereafter. Was a 1st Sergeant in the Dartmouth Invincibles.

[33] William Smith Leonard (see OEstrus No. 2).

[34] John Benton Goodrich (1836-1900, D Class of 1857, but received his AB in 1870), was a lawyer.

[35] Frank Hopkins Fletcher (1831-1900, D Class of 1858), was an engineer in the US Navy during the Civil War. After the war he entered business in St Louis, MO, until his death.

[36] Charles Arms Carleton (1836-1897, D Class of 1857), was an engineer in the 12th Regiment of New York, and became a 2nd Lt. in the New Hampshire Volunteers 4th Regiment; 1st Lt. 1862; Capt. 1864; Major Jan. 1865; Lt. Colonel July 1865; discharged Dec 1865, and became promoted to Colonel US Volunteers, 1866. He was a broker in New York thereafter. Carleton was a 4th Sergeant in the Dartmouth Invincibles.

[37] Benjamin Silliman Church (1836-1910, D Class of 1856, MS; honorary CE 1884), was an engineer for New York City. He worked on some of Central Park’s reservoirs, and was later responsible for the city’s water pipe, the Croton Aqueduct, as well as New York’s water distribution, sewerage, and pipes. During the Civil War he was on the Topography Corps. We was taken a prisoner by the CSA Army, but managed to escape. He was released due to bad health in 1863, and resumed his former position. In 1883 he became the chief engineer of the new Croton aqueduct. He played an important role in facilitating the growth of New York City during the Gilded Age. Church was also a Colonel in New York’s he National Guard Engineer Corps. His brother was Walter Stuart Church (1832-1904, D Class of 1856), who was the State Engineer of Peru between 1861 and 1865.

[38] William Henry Clifford (1839-1901, D Class of 1858; AM Bishop’s College, 1872), served as a first lieutenant in the 82nd New York Regiment. He was a lawyer until his death. Was a 2nd corporal in the Dartmouth Invincibles.

[39] Elijah Atwood Gove (1832-1922, D Class of 1856), judge probate of Minnesota 1866-1870, and 1876-1877; Edward Watson Denny (1936-1919, D Class of 1857) (see above); and Benjamin Barth (1854-1855, D Class of 1857, left 1855).

[40] Latin: “Then let the country and her valley-watering streams please me, may I love the rivers and woods and live without glory.”

[41] From William Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

[42] Will-o’-the-wisp.

[43] Professor Oliver Hubbard.

[44] Latin: “aliquantus” – moderate; “multus” – many; “paulus” – little.

[45] That’s an erroneous claim: Dartmouth was chartered the 9th college in the US, and the last to be chartered before the American Revolution.

[46] The exact date of the 1855 graduation commencement.

[47] Mind you, this comment was written four years BEFORE Darwin’s Origin of Species. Although the argument that humans evolved from apes already existent, and was advocated for by the Swiss father of Taxonomy, Carl Linnaeus, encountering this idea in newspaper published in an academic institution in rather Evangelical New England during the 1850s is quite unexpected.

[48] This seems to be another joke about the parsimony of Oliver Hubbard, i.e., that he sells used candles.

[49] This is an advertisement that resembles those of contemporary slave trade, in which the writers of the OEstrus offer President Lord’s family for sale: his wife, Betsey; his daughter Sarah; and one of his sons, Frank.

[50] “A Letter of Inquiry to the Ministers of the Gospel of All Denominations, on Slavery” was a pamphlet written and published by Lord in 1854, in which he justifies slavery as a divine institution mentioned in biblical texts.

[51] Nerro Legree stands for both President Nathan Lord’s initials and for Simon Legree, the vicious plantation owner from Uncle Tom’s Cabin.

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